The Power of Forgiveness: Apologizing to My Ex
I know what you’re thinking based on the title, “girl, you did what?” Yes, yes I did and it was one of the most, if not the most difficult task I’ve ever had to do. But sometimes, the most uncomfortable thing to do is always the most rewarding. I struggled with this decision for days after God put the assignment on my heart. I remember asking God, “I have to apologize to the person that caused me pain?” But, with my abrupt exit, I never once contemplated how me leaving the way that I left would affect him, how he would perceive women moving forward, or how he would show up in his future relationships… and honestly, at the time, I don’t think I cared. My main concern was myself, our daughter, and the fact that I no longer was going to be a fool, right? But, here was God revealing to me almost 5 years later, “pride is not a reflection of me,” and in order for God to be able to truly use me, I had to unclog myself of the parts of me that’s not of Him.
Unforgiveness clogs you from receiving fullness of joy. It hinders you from receiving everything that God has for you.
Think of us as a pipe; in order for a pipe to be useful or effective it must be clear of debris, it cannot be clogged up. Just as a pipe cannot be clogged up with debris to be effective, neither can we. In order for God to truly use us, we cannot be filled with bitterness, hatred, unforgiveness, fear, jealousy, resentment, etc,.
Although I had forgiven him for the hurt that he caused me, that did not mean that he had forgiven me, and how could he forgive me if he did not know that I was apologetic? The only way for true forgiveness to take place was for me to acknowledge that I too caused damage.
True forgiveness cannot take place unless we mirror who God is by accepting accountability when we are at fault.
Having to be obedient in my walk with Christ has stretched me wider than I could have ever imagined but, I believe that this assignment wasn’t about me or my ex. When you get to know God for yourself, you’ll realize that your obedience is never about you, but always about the people connected to you. I believe God was showing me that unspoken damage from our past could possibly affect how our daughter perceived relationships in the future. This was bigger than me, it was bigger than the both of us. Now, I am NOT telling you to call any exes that you left in the past to apologize to them, that was my assignment. That is what God was asking me to do, but what is it that you might need to do in order to be completely free? Maybe it’s calling up your drug addicted father and telling him that you forgive him because you now know, if he had the strength, he would’ve chosen you over the drugs. Maybe it is simply forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and choices.
Just as unforgiveness leaves an open door for the enemy to cause havoc, forgiveness also leaves an opened door for God to restore.
Apologizing or forgiving does not always mean that the relationship will be mended or restored, nor does it erase the pain that was caused. But, I do believe that if it is sincere you plant a seed that God can now water. Not only is there power in forgiving but there’s also power in you asking for forgiveness. So, I challenge you today to ask yourself, “what am I holding on to that is causing me to not be able to walk in all that God has for me?” “Who was I then? What role did I play?” But most importantly, who do you choose to be moving forward?
If you enjoyed this blog, leave a comment below and let me know if you would like more. Thank you for taking the time to read.
Love, Lynn J.
