Let’s Talk Submission
As unqualified as I feel to speak on this topic, the Head Honcho [Holy Spirit] said, I am very much qualified. Not because I have mastered submission but, because I now have a desire to learn how to submit. And where there is a desire to learn, He can then teach.
I first want to acknowledge every woman that struggles with submission, not because you don’t want to submit. But, because you truly don’t know how to submit. I also want to acknowledge the woman that struggles with submission because your environment, upbringing, past, pain, or trauma has affected your present so much that submitting looks unappealing. Sis, trust me when I tell you, I understand and you are not alone.
Whew! So, where do I start? I guess I’ll start with what I thought submission was. For a very long time, I always thought submission was the woman doing everything her husband says and not being able to rebuttal. I always thought a woman that was meek is a woman that was submitted. I know that word “meek,” has been misconstrued a lot, especially in the Christian community. So, before we go any further, let’s define this word that has been heavily misdefined… A woman that is meek is not a woman without an opinion or voice. By definition, meek is to be “quiet, gentle, and easily imposed on.” Another word for meek is patient, long-suffering, or forbearing.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness ad self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 NIV
Biblically, someone [not only women] that is meek is someone that can go through some things without complaining. It is someone that can suffer a little while, someone that knows how to endure without calling everyone to complain about it. A woman that is meek is not constantly posting about her struggles on the internet. But, she’s patient with her process. Most of all, she does not complain not because it isn’t hard but, because she trusts the One that she is submitted to. Got it? Alright, let’s move on.
As I was saying, because I grew up in a very traditional, Haitian home, I always thought a part of submission was making sure that my husband came home to a clean house and a cooked meal. But, almost 6 years into marriage, God has me unlearning everything that I thought I knew about submission. Although I grew up in a traditional, Haitian home, my mother preached being a submissive wife to your husband. But, her actions [to me] was not that of a submissive woman. So, instead of me grabbing hold of what my mother was advising me, I inherited what she was showing me. I inherited her independent spirit in the marriage. I inherited the need to rebuttal if my husband’s choices did not “make sense” to me and so much more that therapy is helping me unpack lol.
By definition, submission is, “the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.” Of course, I cannot continue without bringing scripture. So, let’s do a quick Bible study, shall we? Ephesians 5:22 says,
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husband as you do to the Lord.”
Keywords to take note of, “your own husband,” and “as you do to the Lord.”
This scripture gets thrown around a lot but, there is a whole paragraph dedicated to the Christian wife AND husband. The verse prior to that says, “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Meaning, if you do not have reverence for Christ first, you cannot submit. In other words, when you submit to your spouse, you do not do it for them but, you do it because you revere God. Verses 23 to 25 goes on to tell us that the husband is the head of the wife and as he loves his wife just as Christ loved the church then transformation will take place within her. I shared all that to say, when you submit to a Christ-like man you benefit from it. You do not lose, you gain. I often hear women say, “I don’t want to lose myself.” Whatever the life transition may be; becoming a mother, a wife, stepping into a new career or moving to a new state. When you are submitted to God first, you do not lose yourself. Instead, you become a refined and purified version of yourself. Meaning, you become better!
For a lot of people, submitting to a man does not come easy not because we don’t want to. But, if we are willing to be honest with ourselves, it’s because we are not truly and fully submitted to Christ. Your relationship with your spouse is a reflection of your relationship with Christ. For many of us, we believe that a man has to SHOW that he is submissive worthy. But, a husband that is delivered by God and approved by God, does not have to prove his worth. He is worthy because of God’s stamp of approval. His worth is not determined by his income or any external factor that was already calculated in the equation when God ordained him for you. We don’t wait to submit when the person meets our standards but, we submit once God says yes to the relationship.
I also don’t want to negate that submission looks differently for every marriage. How God requires me to submit to my husband, may not be the way that he wants you to submit to yours. But, ultimately, the foundation should always look the same.
